Who.. Why..

A simple question, "How many have you loved?" Is your answer, one and only? Or is it several, all of whom have shaped your life?

The question above have embodied the combination of both being hurt and held. Absolutely no regrets. The depth of Loved i felt for the two individuals can't be compared. Each of them have give reasons that are worthy for our past to be locked and preserved within me, to be remembered, to be Loved.

The first girl i Loved can actually and perfectly be described around the word "Who". Who i Loved is a girl that i first met through my best friend's invitation. It was fasting month & i was invited to joined them for "Iftar" in a Thailand restaurant called Lemon Grass. So basically like most guys meeting a girl that they barely know, a sudden fairy-tale stories will be written in their head and as for me it was "Love At First Sight" the sudden urge to know and be close with her grew even with the little interaction we had about me wanting a piece of her chewing gum... hey, don't judge me.. at least we talked.. a little! lol ..months afterward, Who she became in my head was more then a reality. We shared these three elements together like.. our first Kiss, late night calls & a date on the beach. It was special. We were special. There's no doubt in my mind on what we've experienced together felt like a dream, we were in Loved. Who she is, Who she was, First Real Relationship.

..the next girl i Loved will be based on "Why". Why i Loved her was a girl that have changed my mind toward things that seems impossible to replicate, the feelings i once had. She is also the main reason on Why i merely accomplished with the "Moving On" stage. Although we barely know each other, and i was intended this to stay that way.. but it all changed when her personality, humors & cheerfulness.. i couldn't not fall for her. I can still remember the first time i heard her laughter across the table filled with pizzas, soft drinks & numerous friends talking and enjoying their time. The glasses she wore, the cloths she wore, and even the smile she wore, it was almost perfect, almost. When we were finally together.. It was comfortably different. i have no idea where to start.. Why i Loved her? ..we had amazing moments together, we went through a roller coaster situation together & still.. hanged on ..i couldn't just simply explain it further because sometimes what you feel can't be describe with words and pictures.

i can guess that after reading all that.. you must be thinking about, if both of my past relationships was amazing, beautiful & wonderful like just what i had describe them to be, why aren't we still together? ..it's complicated, maybe it's just me? ..Have you ever reach a point where even if things aren't going well, you force yourself to buried all the horrid reasons away on why the relationship failed so that you can only just reminisced on why you were with her on the first place because all the moments and memories together is worth keeping? ..cause the depth i fell was too deep.

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. 

 But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person, someone you lovingly gaze upon and think,  “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

 - Galway Kinnell

Who.. Why.. Loved.