My First

I was surfing the internet trying to kill time when i came across this.. " Psychologists report that most people can remember up to 90 percent of the details of their first romantic kiss, a memory that is even more powerful than their first sexual encounter." ..& this made me giggled a little, like when you're about to open a BIG nicely wrapped present on your birthday kind of giggle. Human beings are simply awesome no? having the ability to recall moments which dated ages ago, nearly.

..i'm not quite sure if i can remember mine correctly but i think.. hmm.. During my D-Day, the weather is being awesome as the sun shinning brightly behind the clouds for us having a triple date on the beach. When i got there via Walking, i can see that she was wearing a white/pink shirt with her long wavy hair slightly wet, absolutely mesmerizing. After we got some alone time away from her friends and their dates.. i grabbed her hand & we walked toward/along the beach, searching for the perfect drifted large logs to sit on. When we found one, we spend hours (Feels Like Hours) talking, laughing, cuddling and teasing each other.. then at one moment we stop talking and stared at each other with only the sound of the wind and a small distant laughter can be heard. We hugged & at this time her sweet-scented perfume over-flowed me. Then as we get closer & closer with our lips about to meet, I SWEAR TO GOD her phone suddenly rang  ..shocked with the perfect timing of interruption, we stopped & giggled as she checked her phone. i was slightly disappointed and happy at the same time tho, i don't even know why.

..after that failed attempt, we decided to go back to the small huts. When we reached there.. her friends decided to go for a stroll along the beach, all six of us. We kept a certain distance from others.. and then we stopped walking when we reached at what i think is the perfect spot. I then hold her waist and gently pull her closer to me, We stare at each other again & whisper something.. then...^^YGBxhe20-74 hdce32hc93b934nc^9-327unxy7#(+!":>Giivc}GJNSVEYEBicd871 ..well i can't share everything, it will ruin the special-ness of that particular memory.. haha! Sorry.

" The best part about a first kiss is right before the first kiss - Brett Davern "

..it's kinda odd, i can still remember all of it & i know i'm not the only one.. i wonder why? do you guys too? 

Shattered

Tomorrow is the 28th.. Sigh. i don't know how long has it's been, i don't even know why i still feel like it was just yesterday. My last relationship, which was Beautiful.. absolutely Wonderful.. took me months after the break-up to figure that out and now i'm stuck with " Why Did I Do That? " ..so one day i came across a song which remind me a lot about my situation, I've been listening to it.. almost everyday until now.

SHATTERED (MTT VERSION) - TRADING YESTERDAY

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding. 
Fall into your sunlight. 
The future's open wide, beyond believing. 
To know why, hope dies. 
Losing what was found, a world so hollow. 
Suspended in a compromise. 
The silence of this sound, is soon to follow. 
Somehow, sundown. 

And finding answers. 
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home. 
Passing the graves of the unknown. 

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading. 
Illusions of the sunlight. 
And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting. 
With love gone, for so long. 

And this day's ending. 
Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know. 
Knowing that faith, is all I hold. 

And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand. 
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. 
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning. 
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart. 
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent. 
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. 
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over. 
There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones. 
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all. [x2] 

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding. 
Fall into your sunlight.

..I've realized that i never actually put a real effort to fight for the relationship, to sustain the feeling she once had toward me, to be the guy who actually make her fall in the first place. i put SO much efforts to make her fall toward me and once she did.. sigh. IF this is the Karma for what I've done.. haunted by the guilt of letting down the one who gave me happiness, I've suffered enough .. i can't change the past, i can only let it change me. If somehow you manage to read this.. I'm Sorry.

..it's been years now. There are still more days to be filled with " Shattered ♫ " to keep reminding me of what a fool i can become.

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” 
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Digging My Own Grave

listening to " Bring Me The Horizon's album - Sempiternal " & laying comfortably.. while the strings of reasons which lead me to do this blog thingy had possessed my fingers as i type each word.. and yes.. you may find my English funny or wrong because i'm not that good with Grammar & stuff.. so here goes nothing!

there's this particular girl which kinda grew in me slowly.. day.. by.. day. i don't even know how & why!

we barely knew each other.. let alone.. experienced a real decent short conversation face to face.. 0% knowledge toward her real attitudes and personalities ...so knowing the little facts, you can perfectly state that i'm falling in blindly.. well i may hide some facts on why i am rigidly attractive to her.. but Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid, my mum might say. The thing that bother me the most is that there's a possibility for each passing days, that i might never have the courage to truly approach her, be close, be comfortable. do you get what i mean? ..isn't that a troublesome feeling? well.. i do have reasons to it.. to be honest.. experience wise. i tend to easily let go of.. things that i'm positively sure that can bring me a "longitudinal" happiness. yes. i learned that word in Psychology, might as well as use them no? ..maybe just maybe.. i'm scared of being rejected? OR falling in too deep until you reach the point where you are very vulnerable till you can't accept the true fact that fairy-tale relationship belongs only in the Disney's movies OR the impacts that may ...IF we were ever together.. & IF the relationship failed.. there's another reason for " Shattered (MTT Version) by Trading Yesterday " a song that i frequently listen to for a special reason that i might explain it on my next post, maybe ..this dilemma had me stuck in a cross-road with inter-sections & currently i'm scratching my head for the past weeks. should i give up? should i take the risk? or should i just go with the flow and keep doing what i do?..

well to further explain on what I've been doing for the past weeks.. is that well i don't even know if these are being considered as poems but.. yeah each of them are being associated with how i feel at that particular time.. basically the equation of my routine is that before i go to sleep i construct a poem, hoping she noticed it. i know it's lame but hey different people have different ways of describing their interest right? ..a new day a new poem, you could say...

so close yet so far just another helpless war thus hopes turn cream i have you in my dream sleep can't be delay being with you in May

meeting the oracle hoping for a miracle be mine, be forever i Love you even in fever i know you'll care cause you're my teddy bear

making moments in forever living without you in never routine poems will be my aim until you are mine to claim for you willingly i do

another dawn another day seeing you would change Monday trust me trust this won't hesitate to give you a kiss

waking up from slumber noticed that i miss a number here i define my emotion with you i will feel no caution

on the brink of dawn i sleep making poems for you to keep from words with meaning for you as my beginning

seeing Winter Is Coming another reason for hugging holding you till dawn making sure there's no frown warmth will be felt cold hand, melt

23rd, there's something lunar activity, our thing go outside stare the sky see yourself how big i try your attention perfection

tipsy thoughts before slumber i haven't even got your number use imagination within reality see you in my dream, little pretty

words being alter intention going further late night brain storming made poem for keeping your awake, i sleep leaving words for u to deep

walking toward the first glance creating forward my only chance. staring down looking aside. getting close just beside. in seven. heaven.

..dreams.